mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
