The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
