Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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