I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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