Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
