Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pants are for mortals
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize