u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
