I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
