No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
