I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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