I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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