Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
