Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
