Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize