hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
