On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
