I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
