i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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