Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
