you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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