she woke up with a sticky ear
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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