I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
