I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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