I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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