haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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