At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
pray to the hookup gods
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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