oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize