This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The air was thick with penises
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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