I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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