Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
