I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
