I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
