btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
