How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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