I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm getting married
To pizza
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize