I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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