How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
