I think my fart just growled at me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
