It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
jump out the window naked night went bad
i out mim tonsoeep
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