So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
