I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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