I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just threw up on my dentist
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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