mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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