i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
