I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
