i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
