lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
