shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
