:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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