I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize