I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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