My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
