its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
