We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
