I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
