he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
