I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
