i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
