just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize