im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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