I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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