My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
