nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
