hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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