dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
