As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
