I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
