Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
