Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
