if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She said her name was "party"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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