I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
