I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
