now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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