OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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