neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize