Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
