does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
