Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I deserve this hangover.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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