Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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