if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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