i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
