My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
