I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
