A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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