While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
