She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are the jesus of drinking
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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