We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
