I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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