I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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