Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
