Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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