Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
