Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
