guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thus making me awesome and them whores
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
