i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
