is wine microwaveable?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
