Just cropdusted the office
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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