The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize