ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
