I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
