did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize