I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
