the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
