He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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