1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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