You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
