I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
