What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
