finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
being pregnant is like rehab
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
