An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you had me at cake vodka
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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