Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
