SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
