my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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